She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 'winter holiday' stamps?'
The clerk says, 'What denomination?'
The blonde UU says, 'Oh for crying out loud. Has it come to this?
Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.'
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INNOCENCE IS PRICELESS
One Sunday morning, the minister noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the fellowship hall staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the minister walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'
'Good morning' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'What is this? The minister said, 'Well Alex, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.' Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, 'Which service, the 9:00 or the 10:45?
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CHANGING A LIGHT BULB - THE MULTIDENOMINATIONAL WAY
How many does it take?
Charismatic: Only 1
Hands already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None
Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians:
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish:
What's a light bulb?
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The Universalists believed that God was too good to damn people, while the Unitarians believed that they were too good to be damned.
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A UU meeting must seem strange to outsiders. A person will speak and says nothing. Nobody listens - and then everybody disagrees.
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During religious education, the teacher asks a little girl, "Can you tell us what happened on Easter Sunday?" The little girl of course knows the answer. "Jesus rolled back the stone, walked outside and saw his shadow, so we have six more weeks of winter."
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After the secular humanists came along, we said that UUs believe in One God - at Most. Now, what with the 6th Source and the pagans, we say that UUs believe in One God - More or Less.
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Why can't UUs sing very well in choirs?
Because they're always reading ahead to see if they agree with the next verse.
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"I know my humor is outrageous when it makes the Unitarians so mad they burn
a question mark on my front lawn." -- Lenny Bruce
Let me know if you'd like anything posted here. Ken W.
This page was last revised on Monday, October 27, 2008 at 11:09 PM by the Web Guy.
Copyright 2008 - Anchorage Unitarian Universalist Fellowship.
Copyright 2008 - Anchorage Unitarian Universalist Fellowship.
